Waves and sand castles

A beach exists because the waves continually wash over it, building it and eroding it. The beach is never finished; it is always in progress, and always in flux. For a great majority of the time, the weather is fair and the waves are gentle as the tides come in and go out, and the waves ebb and flow. The waves are soothing and restful, slowly building the beach by depositing new sediments or gently eroding it, reshaping and forming the beach. Changes are gradual; some new sand and gravel and shells in one area, now a bit higher, while another area erodes and is a bit lower. Such changes are noticed only by the most observant, those familiar with the beach, who know it well. But with time, waves change the beach.

Other times powerful waves driven by storms, hurricanes or tsunamis violently molest the beach. Changes are sudden, dramatic, and sometimes, devastating. Entire portions of the beach may be washed away, while others are enlarged. Such changes are observed readily.

I enjoy beaches, especially making sand castles. I can work on one for hours, building the fortress, digging the moat, adding towers and outer walls. But no matter how ornate the castle is, the waves will reclaim it, always. No sand castle can ever stand against the power of even gentle waves as the tide comes. The castle dissolves and washes away, bit by bit.

The Word and work of God is much like this in our lives. September 17, 1983 was a tsunami event in my life, as the Holy Spirit used the Word and circumstances to convict me of my sin and unrighteous life. The circumstance was bizarre, a friend told me a movie paralleled my life. So I went by myself to a Saturday afternoon matinee. In a nearly empty theater, it was a miracle not unlike Balaam's donkey speaking that God used "Staying Alive" to reveal my heart to me. As in Hebrews 4:12, the Word of God was like a double-edged sword, quick and powerful, cutting to the point of my hypocrisy. I was brought to my knees, weeping between the seats in the theater, broken and painfully aware of my previous attempts to live a double life; loving God while loving the world and my sin at the same time. I was broken spiritually by the power of the waves of conviction. As Paul notes (2 Cor 7:10), I had two options, two possible responses. I could be overwhelmed with worldly sorrow and guilt leading to death, or I could become sorrowful as God intended. Godly sorrow brings repentance and salvation and leaves no regret, no guilt. By God’s grace, I came to repentance. I was transformed painfully, quickly, dramatically and drastically. When I left that place, I was a different person, as anyone who took the time to observe could testify. (Many did not notice - they already had me in a box, and were not expecting, nor looking for, me to change.)

This event has been the exception to the typical way God works in my life. I have had a few other major storms that led to rapid conviction and major changes, but most of the time, God uses His Word like gentle waves. Paul notes (2 Tim 3:16-17) that all Scripture is God-breathed, and useful for teaching and instruction, reproof and rebuke, correction, and training in righteousness. As I read the Bible, and pray, and meditate on the words, God is often gentle with me, gradually changing and building and shaping me. Though these processes are much slower, I am changed, nonetheless.

Such changes come only from exposure to the Word of God, and especially with meditation. As we allow the Word of God to wash gently and continually over us, we are transformed by the renewing of our minds (Rom 12:1-2). The waves of our meditations constantly erode our sand castles, the work of our hands we worship, our version of broken cisterns (Jer 2:13). May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer (Ps 19:14).      (April 30 and May 4, 2011, Clay Robinson)

Going through the motions

Going through the motions - a phrase that has bad connotations in society and culture today, associating it with lack of motivation or purpose. One thesaurus defines it thus, "to do something in a mechanical manner indicative of a lack of interest or involvement."

I contend that we miss the point. Going through the motions is a necessary part of life. We all have responsibilities that sometimes become dull and boring: work, exercise, finances, volunteerism, sometimes even our closest relationships do not excite us.

I enjoy riding a bicycle, on- or off-road, it really does not matter. But there are days when I do not "feel" like riding. Some of you may walk or run or lift weights to exercise. Some days the exercise lifts us to new heights, but all of us have down times. What do we do in those times? Quit? Self-discipline would have us "go through the motions" and do our workout regimen anyway. Sometimes an accountability partner can help us over these humps.

Who among us honestly "feels:" like going to work every day. Even though I usually really enjoy my job, there are days when I would rather take a bike ride than face a day in the office. There is something about how we are wired that we will sometimes struggle with motivation to do things we know are good and right and beneficial.

Relationships? There are certainly days when we are frustrated with a spouse, a child, a parent, a friend or a coworker, and want nothing to do with them. If we succumb to those feelings, our marriages dissolve, we become alienated from family members and friends, and work becomes unbearable.

I have been married for 27 years. Some times have been wonderful and amazing, and my heart and soul thrilled to be with my wife, in love. Other times our finances and young children or older children's activities or just maintaining the house and laundry and dishes and cooking and lawn drained us. We had no energy or excitement in being together. We did not feel "in love." My emotions often deceive me (when I recognize I have them). They might tell me that I am no longer "in love," but the truth is that I love my wife, regardless of my feelings and emotions at the moment. Love perseveres. Love will go through the motions to maintain and preserve and cultivate a relationship. The rewards follow the self-discipline.

Going through the motions holds with spiritual disciplines, as well, at least it does with mine. There are days when I do not "feel" like reading the Bible or journaling or praying or singing praise or rejoicing. But there are benefits to persevering in these spiritual disciplines. I have been reading the Bible daily for about thirty years. I am not struck with some new insight every time I open the book. But if I give in to my feelings and leave the book closed, there is no opportunity for insight or conviction.

Beginning when I was in high school, I would have inspirations and record my thoughts on whatever random piece of paper I could find. I still have some of those (writings and random thoughts). In college after learning about taking sermon notes to get more out of a sermon (and to stay awake), I often recorded thoughts on church bulletins, with or without sermon notes. In 1987, shortly before the death of my grandfather and birth of my eldest son, I started a journal. I did well for a few months, making almost daily entries. There are memories about the complications and trials of his birth that would be lost without that journal. But after a few months, life caved in on me, and I gave into it. Journal entries became sporadic until February 8, 1988. Then they stopped for almost two years. There was no discipline, no attempt to "go through the motions." I just got overwhelmed by life; I was a father of a handicapped child, I was trying to finish my Master's degree, provide for my family by selling fine cutlery for a summer, starting on my PhD, ...

But on January 17, 1990, another entry appears in my journal, confessing my faithlessness, repenting, and telling God I want Him to be foremost, before all the other stuff in my life. Now there are more than 21 years of daily journal entries. Some of them are really boring and short, but I went through the motions. I sat down, read the Bible, and recorded events and thoughts about the day or life or work, or the passage I read, or the movie I watched or book I read, or the news event in the world, or what my child said or we did together and how that impacted me. There are a multitude of  entries that are prayers confessing my confusion over how to communicate with, and properly love, my wife. There are  months of entries addressing the grief and pain of my dad's death before we had a chance to reconcile. But there are still days where the entry is a date, Bible book/chapter references with nothing beside them, and one or two sentences about the previous day. On those days, I go through the motions so I do not lose the spiritual discipline, and fall out of the habit of keeping a daily journal.

There are days and weeks when the prospect of reviewing the Bible passages I have memorized does not thrill my heart. If I give in and do not review the passages (as I did when working on my PhD), I lose them. They pass from my memory, and I have limited God's ability to bring a passage to mind during meditation.

Jesus tells us our heart (and emotions) will follow our treasure (Mt 6:21). Motivation and reward follows our priorities, not the other way around.

So, on the days when my motivation and interest are minimal or nonexistent, I go through the motions to maintain my treasures: the momentum of more than 21 years of journaling, thirty years of daily Bible readings, 27 years of marriage to a woman I love more deeply than life itself, ...

Grace is necessary in this walk. I must allow myself some grace for the times I stumble and have little interest. It took a long time to become consistent, and I needed to extend myself the same grace God would rather than self-flagellate over my failure and inconsistency.

May you find comfort in my failures, encouragement in my successes, and strength in God to forge your own discipline that will lead you into greater depths of love for God, your family, and others.

Beauty vs. Discretion

Rode the Trail of the Coeur d'Alenes one evening last after work. It starts just north of Plummer, ID, and runs roughly to the east to Lake Coeur d'Alene.

Beauty won over discretion. I should have turned around 3 miles sooner, but I saw the water through the trees. Then when I got to the lake, I saw the bridge ... So I had to cross the bridge, right? Then I turned around for the 9 mile uphill return, after sunset. Riding on a mountain trail through the forest after sunset is not wise ... But it was worth it, & dark when I got back to the truck.

I have often observed such a pattern in my life that something alluring affects my better judgment. I suspect I am not alone.


How often does beauty allure us and impair our judgment? 
Men and women are allured by different things, but we are all enticed by something. One of my sons responded that he likes to go after shining, pretty things. 


Maybe it's adventure, skirts (chasing after women), toys (new cars, better tools, bigger house, better stuff), identity (in jobs or possessions or relationships), marriage (a wife or husband will fix what is wrong with me, then I can fix them), security (in marriage or job or a new home), comfort (easy chairs, vacations, retirement, more and nicer stuff, ...), fresh starts (the grass is always greener ...), and on and on.


Though nothing is inherently wrong with many of these things, they become idols when we choose to pursue them   rather than God. In the midst of such a pursuit, our discernment is clouded and our judgment is impaired. 


We need people we trust who will speak into our lives to help call us back from the brink (of stupidity and self-destruction). Though we may know what is right and good, the allure is stronger. We need someone to be strong for us when we are weak. Though Jesus is ultimately the Strong One, the Father places us in families, and in community with believers and churches that we may reflect His strength in our relationships with one another. Our Christian life is not meant to be walked in isolation.

Why "I am the Clay"?

Clay - what a name! It means, "of the earth."

My earliest memories of my uncles are of them playing guitars and singing, and telling me my name was "Mud." I thought they meant I was in trouble for something. It was years later I realized my uncles were punning on my name, Clay, which is also a type of soil with very small particles. Wet clay = mud.

Now I am a soil scientist, and I get a lot of snickers and/or comments about the connection of my name and my profession. When I see a glint about that in someone's eye, I preempt it now with something like, "Yes, my parents doomed me to become a soil scientist when the named me Clay." When I was teaching at the university, my students felt I had a special connection with the soil because of the way I could ribbon soils (Google, "Texture by Feel").

How did I become a soil scientist? It was God's providence in taking care of someone too ignorant to know what they were doing. I had just completed a Master's in Plant Science after a Bachelor's in General Agriculture. I pulled an all-nighter to finish the corrections on my thesis. The next morning, a professor came in and handed me a position announcement for a soils TA position at Iowa State University. As I had already received more than fifteen flush letters from job applications (during the last recession), the TA position seemed a worthwhile opportunity since it paid almost as much as a full-time technician position at the local research station. I also received an award that allowed me to go for the first two years of my doctoral program tuition free. I had been there almost a year before I realized I was at one of the premier institutions in the nation and world to learn about soil.

There was another amusing thing about my name to a child. While singing "Have Thine Own Way" in church I would react to the line, "Thou art the Potter, I am the clay" (snicker, "That's me! I am the Clay," more snickering).

It was after a life-changing event when I was 21 (Look for a future blog called, "Staying Alive") that the hymn began to take new meaning for me. The hymn writer alluded to Jeremiah 18 when the Lord sent the prophet to the potter's house to watch. When the pot being fashioned was marred, the potter smashed it down and started anew with the same piece of clay. The potter has the right to make whatever he wants from the clay.

So, I am the Clay. I am in the Potter's hands for Him to make of me, and do with me, whatever He will.

I have shared this many times in the past twenty years, but this may be the first time I have recorded it.
October 16, 2011

Silence and meditation: A lost discipline

We live in a noisy society, filled with voices.
And we listen to them: news, commentators, tlk show hosts, music, movies, television shows, politicians, public opnion, experts, teachers, bosses, coworkers, coaches, friends, family, et al.

We awake in the morning to radio or TV news updates, sports results, song lyrics, etc. We listen to music or news or commentators or talk shows while we take our kids to and from school or en route to and from work, when we exercise (if we have that discipline). 

We love to hear people espouse opinions, often far removed from reality or any factual basis. If their opinions agree with ours, we feel better about ourselves, imagining that somehow validates us. If they disagree, we lambast them, espousing our own unfounded opinions.

In the rare moments of silence we experience, we replay all the voices and messages we have heard. These messages, these voices, shape our philosophy, our opinions, our understanding, our beliefs. Too often we allow them to define us.

We have accepted the lie that there are no absolutes, so we are left with no standard we can use to assess these messages, other than our own opinions and experiences. We make little attempt to discipline our minds in what we choose to think.

Disciplines require intentional, focused effort. They do not just happen. Meditation requires silence; turning off all the other voices to focus on one thing. 

Many who practice meditation do so to get in touch with themselves, to listen to their own inner voice. That leads us nowhere, our hearts are deceptive, envious, and ultimately selfish, or at least concerned primarily with our own welfare. Thus, this sort of meditation is a form of self glorification or self worship.

The goal of another form of meditation is to achieve a state of nothingness to achieve serenity: no desires, no wants, no anger, no lust, nothing impure. We are deceived to think we can achieve and maintain such a place; our unspiritual minds puff us up with idle notions. Again, we elevate our own abilities in a form of self worship.

True and meaningful meditation builds upon the foundation of absolutes, from an understanding that truth exists apart from our experience, a standard by which all things can be evaluated. This provides a focus for meditation that is outside us. Meditation should be upon these absolutes.

Thus the discipline of meditation has been twice lost: First in that we do not set aside times of silence to practice meditation. Second in that the focus of our meditations is us rather than absolutes .

The Christian faith is founded upon absolute truths found in the Bible, truths which are a reflection of the nature and character of God, perfectly revealed in the Incarnate Word, Jesus, who alone is the Truth, the Life, and the Way. 

Meditation on these truths is life-altering. Our opinions and life experiences pale when the light of truth reveals the darkness in our hearts and minds, our attitudes, our thoughts, our will. This recognition brings us to the point of confession and repentance, as we see our weaknesses, struggles, and other behaviors we  have excused and justified for what they are, sin.

If we then repent, we gain a new perspective and understanding on this life we live. It is no longer ours to live, but Christ’s to live through us. This removes the onus for us to live a good life, a moral life, a godly life. That burden is too much for us to bear, for we cannot live to God’s perfect standard. So when we weary of trying to carry such a burden alone, Christ invites us to come and receive rest. He will remove our heavy and wearisome yoke of sin, and replace it with one this is easy and light. Why is it easy and light? Because Christ Jesus has already borne the burden of the yoke, and broken it with all its power in his death on the cross.

So, start now. Set aside some time today to let the Word of God wash over you. Read it, turn it over in your mind. Let it penetrate your heart and your consciousness. Pray that God will open your eyes and your heart to see your own sin. Invite the Spirit to show you the offensive ways that are in you.

Psalms 19, 15 and 139 are a good beginning. Each contains powerful confessions and prayers.

Psalm 19:11-12, 14 

By Your words is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward. Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 51:1-4, 10-12

Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your unfailing love; according to Your great compassion, blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight. Create in my a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from Your presences or take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Psalm 139:1-3,13,23-24

O Lord, You have searched me and You know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways. For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

So what should meditation look like? Paul gives us direction.

Philippians 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Colossians 3:1-3

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

October 13, 14, 2011

Disconnected

When was the last time you got up before the sun, just to watch it rise and marvel at the colors?

Or went to the west edge of town to have a clear view of the sunset?

Have you been awed at the color and size of the rising full moon as the light waves are bent as they enter the earth’s gravitational pull and atmosphere?

Or found a dark place away from the light pollution of the city to stare at the night sky?

To gaze at the stars, the moon, the planets?

To watch the skyscapes in the clouds?

To listen to the heavens as they declare the glory of God? (Psalm 8, 19)

Have you ever planted a garden and enjoyed the harvest?

The beauty and scents of the flowers?

Participated as a steward of the land as a partner with God?

Have you found beauty in deserts, prairies and forests?

In mountains and canyons, hills and plains?

When did you last watch with wonder as a flower opened?

Or marveled at the structural differences among lilies, mums, orchids and roses?

When did you last pause to watch a bee, hummingbird or hawk moth hover as their wings moved faster than your eye could perceive?

Or watch a hawk or an eagle glide on thermals, scarcely moving their wings at all?

All these are the work of one and the same God, awesome in power, wonderful in deed, mystifying in design, detail and intricacy.

When was the last time you sought a quiet place to sit still in the silence, resisting the urge to fill the void with sound and motion, that you might know that He is God? (Psalm 46:10)

We live in a beautiful place, though we seldom stop to recognize or appreciate it. 

We are much more aware of that which annoys, displeases and offends us.

When was the last time you ... 

Went to a neighbor’s house just to say, “Hi,” or “How are you?”

Said, “How are you,” and actually listened to the response?

Saw the pain or heard the desperation in a stranger’s voice, and offered to help?

Saw the hurt in the eyes of your wife or husband or child, and apologized and asked forgiveness?

Rejoiced and offered genuine congratulations when good came to your rival? (Romans 12:20)

Were quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry? (James 1:19)

Spoke only what was helpful for building others up according to their needs, rather than gossiping about them, or tearing them down? (Ephesians 4:29)

Put the needs of someone else above your own? (Philippians 2:3-4)

Loved someone with all your heart, not holding back (to keep from getting hurt)?

Were wronged, but chose not to get even, forgave the offender, and chose not to hold a grudge?

Erred greatly, accepted responsibility, and did not blame someone else?

Looked deep into your own heart and were honest with yourself?

Realized this world is really not about you?

We live in a disconnected society, a disconnected culture.

Disconnected from the land, and the production of the food we need to live;

Disconnected from the beauty and fragility of nature, over which we were meant to be stewards; 

Disconnected from our spouse, our children, our parents, ...

Disconnected from friends, neighbors, coworkers, ..., ourselves.

Many have recognized such disconnects exist, and in straight order, have proposed some way to reconnect, to mend what is broken. 

But this action reveals the greatest disconnect of them all, and the source of all the other disconnects we experience. 

We cannot fix ourselves. Why?

We are disconnected from God, the Creator of the world, the Author of life, the Lover of our souls, the Source of purpose, Who, because of His great love and mercy and amazing grace, bought us back from self-destruction, provided forgiveness in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, offering peace and hope and meaning and joy.

There is no balance when we are disconnected from God. Only in being reconciled to God through the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is there hope to begin reconnecting with His creation, with people, with ourselves. 

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. (Psalm 19:14)

Lord, by Your Holy Spirit, draw us back to You, through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, who is the only Truth, the Life, and the Way.

Woe to us, for we are undone. (Isaiah 6:5)

Reconnect us, Lord, to You, that when restored, we may begin to reconnect with everything else in Your creation.

10-12-2011